My fiancé and i live in Arizona with her two kids, girl age 8, boy age 5. We have lived together for a year now. My fiancé and i have been reacquainted as we were high school sweethearts in the past.
The children are currently in PA on a 6 week visitation with the father and grandparents. The trial for custody starts in PA on the 26th of July, a few weeks away. The mother is currently having problems with the daughter lying about things to the custody evaluator(psychologist) and the fear that the father and grandparents are manipulating the 8yr old daughter. On the note that she is very happy here with us and knows this is her home and she visits her dad. She has confirmed this with us strongly when she is here. She is going on to 3rd grade in the school she has been going to for the past three yrs, since start of 1st grade. The father and mother lived in AZ at the beginning. The father(32yrs old) did not like being away from his parents(narcissistic i come to believe) and fought with the kids mother and ended up running back to his mother. Divorce ensued, now the custody battle is going to trail. The father since i have been here is not involved with his children and calls maybe once a month. He does not and has not sent the mother a dime. The grandparents, mainly the grandmother calls more. They are vindictive and hateful towards the mother and want no other than to destroy her, and they are using and manipulating the daughter to lie about the truth. This all started when they went to PA. The first thing is that the evaluator is expressing that she has a strong desire to remain in PA?? The father and grandparents have pushed the child abuse card. The evaluator confirmed to the mother that she does not abuse the kids, nor is she a unfit mother, BUT he is having a hard time making a decision on who should have custody??
This morning I got a call from my fiancé from her work. She said that she just got off the phone with the evaluator. I dont know if this is a test he is doing to her, but he said that he has confirmed with her daughter that she has been upset and unable to sleep for the last two nights because the mother told her in a phone conversation that “she needs to tell the evaluator that she wants to live in AZ”. This is completely false! I hear the conversations and know her as a mother and she did not say this at all at any time. The daughter was upset as see told the evaluator that this is true?? The evaluator seems to take this in consideration, and therefor comes off as he is on their side in believing the daughter. But like i said, i dont know if this is just a test for the mother?? The mother called back and asked the evaluator if he would like to listen in on a 3 way call to her daughter in a innocent conversation so he can see the interaction between the two, he said that is not necessary?? He has only talked with her with the kids together when she dropped the kids off in PA for their visit. That is the only time he has had to see the kids and mother together. Now that they been over their for a month and a half, why is he unwilling to witness their interaction now?? Should he be trusted? Also the father told the evaluator that he calls twice a week. The mother has shown proof that is a lie by providing phone records. The daughter was asked by the evaluator “how many time does your dad call you?” she replied “A lot”.
The evaluator seems as he is pushing that he is taking the daughters words into major consideration in his decision!
We dont know what to do at this point! AS i see this as a tactic on the other side to get to the mother, and what better than to use their children against her.
Is this manipulation and lies going to be not seem in trial?
They supposedly have the most aggressive custody lawyer in PA.
She has done nothing wrong as far as being a good mother and as i see this is on the flip side of what is the ussual, as its the father that is being attacked by the mother with heartlessness. She is in no way tying to keep the father from their kids. He choses to be irresponsible by not being involved with his kids, as i have witnessed this. I was raised right and know what is right from wrong. We never involved the kids in this battle! Our environment wit the kids is positive, loving, fun, happy. She never talks bad about their father. Just got an update…The mother just called her daughter and asked her if she was getting sleep at night. The daughter replied that she is getting good sleep. the daughter also expressed that she misses and loves her mom, and cant wait to come home. I witness that this is how their conversations always go.
I am a product of divorce myself. There is one thing i know what i did at her age that she is doing now. Playing both sides of the coin. The daughter, like the mother, wants to make everyone happy.
We had a conversation with her the day they left to PA about honesty and truth, to not lie about things to make people happy. She seemed to hesitantly agree and replied, but she does not want to hurt her grandmother. Needless to say, we were concerned about her response.
We believe the Grandmother is the force behind all this. She has enabled the mother by taking over and interfering with her parenting when they were their. I was told the grandmother always took sides with the daughter against the mother. I believe she has a cult, narcissistic grip on her daughter as i can see her son(the father) is a product of this himself. Why she wanted her family at the time to get away from that environment. They want to get back at the mother for moving away with the kids.
They are the opposing side and are on the attack
She is and has always been in the right as she is a good person as well as a mother.
She can and has proven some of the allegations against her in factual evidence to some of their lies already.
How can she prove that the daughter is telling untrue statements to the evaluator?
The mother has expressed to the evaluator that she is being manipulated and guilt tripped into saying these things. He does not seem to get this, nor even take into consideration. I think??
Very concerned fiancé